Nudity

Yesterday I took Grandma to the temple and when I drove her home I noticed a photo album on the kitchen counter that I didn't think I'd seen before.  So I opened it and found it was full of old photos of my grandparents.  As I flipped through it I came across one of Grandma with my Mom and my Uncle Pete, Grandma was wearing very short shorts and a halter top that in the black and white photo blended pretty nicely with her skin making her look almost topless.  As Mom and I were laughing at it I noticed that Mom actually was topless, when I teased her about it she told me that Grandma was always funny about clothes and really truly wanted to join a nudist colony so they were frequently naked at home, and when it would rain they would all go outside naked to play in the rain!  I had heard before that Grandma was very interested in the nudist colony, but I don't think I'd heard this story before!  There were several photos of Mom topless (all before the age of about 7)....the very last page of the album Mom has titled "photos that probably shouldn't have been taken"....so funny!  There a couple of Mom and her brother as toddlers completely naked and then one from a distance of my dear Grandpa!  Fortunately it's a side view and he appears to be squatting to maybe fix something?  Anywho...who knew that in the late 40's and early 50's my grandparents were walking around the woods of New York naked?  Too funny...no wonder my mother has always complained that Grandma is embarrassing!

Single Adult Activities...

I recently attended my first single adult activity.  I decided since I couldn't get anyone to go with me that my first event (all by myself) would be a fireside.  I thought that since I'd be going alone it wouldn't be too bad to sit alone in the chapel.  I deliberately went a little late so I could go into the chapel after the meeting had started and miss the pre-meeting socializing, but not so late that I missed the opening prayer and would be REALLY noticeable.  It worked like a charm.  I walked in and the only seats available were next to men sitting alone or on the "widow's pew"....I opted for the widow's pew, didn't want to give any men the idea that I was interested without first determining if they were worthy of interest, if you know what I mean!  The one thing I hadn't counted on was refreshments.  When everyone started filing out to the gym for refreshments I had a dilemma...go in all alone and try to find someone to talk to or just head for home.  I sat in the pew watching people leave and looking for someone I might be able to make friends with, when I realized the woman in front of me was doing the same thing.  When she turned my way I introduced myself and told her she was my new friend, like it or not. She said that would be great!  We went into refreshments together.  They had arranged the seating in the gym in circles and all the circles were full except one, where a man was sitting alone.  We sat with him....oh my....he was bitter, negative man.  We have nicknamed him Ned because of his negativity.  When we headed to the parking lot we stopped to visit in front of somebody's truck, I assumed it was Sharee's and I think she must have thought it was mine, but eventually a man came out to drive it away and stopped to visit for a few minutes, he was very friendly and positive and restored our hope that there might be some interesting single men in Idaho.  Sharee and I visited for quite awhile and found that we have a lot in common, so we decided to tackle the single scene together...it's so nice to have a friend to go to the meat market with, I mean, single events!

The next event we went to was a dance...oh my!  I was worried I'd be a wallflower but I danced a lot...with old men.  On the bright side, old men can really dance and I'm learning some new dance moves!  Ned was there and we watched him follow around a couple of tall blondes, and may or may not have formed some opinions about what kind of man he is.  We met a man named Larry who drives an old limo with American flags on the roof and in each window, along with Romney/Ryan signs...how do we know what he drives?  Well he took us out to see it of course.  Sharee and I agreed, there was NO WAY we were getting in that car if he offered us a ride! So Larry was a little odd, but a decent dancer, however after Jennifer danced with him (Jennifer is another new friend) she told us he'd been telling her about conversations he'd had with Michael the archangel (one of the reasons we will not get in his car).  I have tried to find a photo of a car like his to post, but no luck...drat.  Poor Sharee danced with a man named Kevin who didn't want to let her go (who can blame him?) but unfortunately she wasn't quite brave enough to say no so she ended dancing about 6 dances in a row with him.  Jennifer and I met a couple of men while she was dancing and Jason was kind enough to cut in and give her a chance to break free!  When  Jason and Paul came in we thought they looked a little weird and well, maybe they are a little, but very nice and we had some fun playing games on Paul's tablet (he's a gamer).

Wanna know what I think about homosexuality?

I think calling it a choice oversimplifies the matter....technically being fat is my choice, but it's not like I woke up one morning and decided to be fat.  It's something that I've been battling (more or less) for most of my life. Of my four sisters, two of them happen to have a different mother, and those different genetics seem to make it easy for them to be thin.  The two sisters who share my genetics more completely struggle with weight....does that sound like it's a choice?  When I applied to BYU as a psychology major over 20 years ago, they sent me a copy of the psychology department's newsletter which had an article I have never forgotten.  It was about a study with pregnant mice, the result was that when the pregnant mouse experienced stress (electrical shock), the babies were more likely to be gay.  That doesn't sound like a choice to me, does it to you?  Where the choice is then, is in how we live our lives, we are what we are, fat or gay or maybe alcoholic, or whatever....we must choose to either fight our natural instincts (the natural man) or give into it.  Today I read this blog post by LZ Granderson, which reminded me that I've been thinking about writing this post for a long time so today is the day!  I also like to read Josh Weed's blog.  You should check it out.  I grew up with three kids who all came out of the closet as adults and I was surprised by none of them...how would their lives be different if their parents had been as supportive as Josh's?  I hope that all parents of gay children can follow their example.

So that's my soap box speech for today...hope you enjoyed it!

Wedding Dream...

The other night I dreamed I was getting married.  I had the dress on, and was headed down the aisle of a beautiful church and thinking "I"m not sure I want to do this, I'm just starting to like being single".  Dreams being what they are I was suddenly in the throes of planning my wedding (weird, I know), surrounded by friends and sisters and nieces, and still thinking I didn't really want to do it.  Then it was like the room sort of morphed into another church and I was headed down the aisle again, this time it was a smaller, plainer church, but still pretty.  This time though I REALLY started dreading the idea of getting married, just as I started looking for an escape route the room changed again.  I was preparing to walk down the aisle again, wearing a wedding dress, about to enter the chapel, having hurried conversations with family and bridesmaids and wondering why my Dad wasn't giving his traditional speech about how it's not too late to back out....and BAM!  I was headed down the aisle, this time it was kind of a country barn kind of a wedding and the groom was nowhere in sight, somehow we were getting married without him being there (I have no idea who he was, just in case you're wondering), I was beginning to panic when I woke with a start!  Hurray! 

I'm sure there's some fantastic meaning buried in all of that, tell me what your ideas are and I'll tell you what I think.  :)

Three Musketeers

My cute niece has been visiting from New York for the last 2 weeks and my favorite son left us to go live in Utah last week, so there's been a LOT of estrogen in my home lately!  Lots of silly girl stuff too...Maudie is younger than both of my girls but for some reason these three girls get along VERY well.  Sadly, I just realized I didn't get any pictures of the three of them together!  MAN...I think we need to make a trip to New York and rectify this situation!  One of the three (who shall remain nameless) really didn't want her picture taken.

This may or may not be the guilty party.

Here is one photo of all three girls...taken on the sly so not very interesting!

Anyway, the point of my story is that these girls had each other and me laughing non-stop for days!  They started calling each other Fat Lilly, Fat Erin, and Fat Maudie....they decided Skinny was an insult so they would periodically call each other Skinny Lilly, Skinny Erin, and Skinny Maudie, but then would sometimes forget which name was complimentary and which was insulting and would get all tangled up and just giggle.  They made up silly dance routines and at one point two of them came running into the living room with their shirts pulled up above their bellies to show me that they had discovered that if they belly bumped that way it made a slapping sound!  Holy cow, they crack me up!  It was hard to pry them apart in order to send Maudie home to her Mom today.

I am so glad to see my children enjoy spending time with their cousins, I know these will be lifelong friendships that will provide them with someone they can always turn to when life gets a little complicated.

Thank you Becky, for sending your babies to visit!

I can do hard things

Very early this morning a young woman gave birth to a stillborn baby boy.  I don't know her name, but I met her baby briefly.  My sweet friend, Jolie, volunteered to photograph him so his mother would have some small memory to hold onto until she gets to hold him again. It was an experience that I really don't have words to describe.  There was a tender peacefulness in the room as Jolie and I worked to create memories, the nurses called this little man by name, and we could overhear them trying to find small ways to help his mother.  We went along when they took him to his mama, to photograph her with her baby, the only photos she will have with him.  It was such a private moment, yet I did not feel out of place.  As I sit here writing about this, it occurs to me that the feeling in that room was much like what I feel in the temple.  It is like being wrapped up in love.  The love of this young mother for her baby, her mother's love for her, and the love of the Savior for all of them was almost tangible.

I took my camera but never took it out of it's case.  I felt that this was so private that it would have been inappropriate.  I couldn't really express that at the time, but I would describe the photos as intimate, and the mother should be the one to decide who sees them.

Ammonia is AWESOME

So for years I've been trying to figure out how to clean the underside of the hood over my stove...somehow I don't think that's what it's really called, but you know what I mean now, right?  I've tried Goo Gone, dish soap, Windex, orange stuff, Lysol, and probably some other stuff too.  None of it worked and I gave up.  Recently my refrigerator developed a big ugly black spot on the side of it...don't ask me how these things happen, cause I have no idea.  Anyway, when I was trying to clean it I remembered that when Lilly was born my mother-in-law came to visit and she cleaned my house (she's pretty awesome).  Callie (my MIL) cleaned homes for YEARS to support her kids as a single mom....so what I'm saying is, she knows her stuff.  I remember that she bought ammonia to clean the textured plastic on the high chair.  Honestly I didn't pay much attention at the time.  I had a 17 month old baby, a newborn, a crappy husband, and postpartum depression...I'm amazed I remember anything she did or said!  So, here I am almost 18 years later and remembered the ammonia and thought I'd try it on my textured refrigerator.  A jug of it at Wal-Mart was $1.25, so totally OK if it didn't work.  Today I tried it...and OH MY GOSH!  It's like a freaking miracle product!!!!!  What the heck?!?!  Why didn't I try this years ago?  And guess WHAT? it totally cleaned the years of greasy buildup off my hood thingy!!!!  

AND the textured door handle on my fridge too!

 It's a little hard to tell in this photo, but that handle is completely WHITE!

Ok, so I know it's ridiculous to be so excited, but you should see my hood...which I did not photograph...just because I think it's older than me and even cleaned it's still pretty ugly.   So that's my excitement for today!

boys will be boys...

At work today one of my commercial clients needed a personal auto policy because his 15 year old son got his license today (story of my life, everything needs to be done today!).  So anyway, father and son came in just before 5 and since I hadn't met them in person before we visited for a few minutes.  The father declined to shake my hand as his were dirty, but his son came right over and took me by the hand, and didn't let go...I think he was just a little excited about getting his license!  I was asking the son about driver's training and discovered he goes to the same school as Erin and is the same age, so I asked if he knows her....oh my...the reaction was completely obvious....his eyes lit up and he said he had three classes with her last year.  I sent them off to our personal insurance expert, but came back to check on them before I left.  I walked in as Suzi was telling the son not to let anyone else drive his car.  You know me, I had to tease him a little, so I said, "not even cute girls".  He's a quick one, he said, "well I don't have Erin's number anyway"...I think his Dad was a little embarassed!  I laughed and said "yep, she's cute!".

So there's my cute story for the day!

And here's my cute girl:

feeling the love...

Today in Sacrament meeting I noticed that a friend of mine was struggling a little with her three small children all by herself (her husband works in North Dakota). I was about to send Erin over to help her when the family in front of her took the oldest and another family took the youngest.  I was touched by their love.  I remember struggling with three small children by myself and remember well the times that people reached out to help me with them. 

In addition to that, today is my birthday and I have been overwhelmed by the facebook greetings and the number of people at church who wished me a happy birthday....yep, definitely feeling the love today!

a plethora of pregnancies

Good golly Miss Molly!  Lots of pregnant women around lately!  Jolie has been posting on facebook about her morning sickness, which makes me grateful for two things, one: that I never actually threw up with any of my pregnancies, and two: that I will never be pregnant again!  At work today I almost literally ran into the pregnant girl who works downstairs as I was going into the bathroom, looking at her belly (she's due like any minute), I remembered some of the discomforts of the later stages of pregnancy and was again very grateful that I will not be doing that again!

I do enjoy babies, but I have finally reached that stage of life where I am perfectly happy to play with other people's babies!  So Jolie, when that baby arrives I'll be over for hot chocolate and a baby fix!  And dearest Melissa, you really need to come back to Idaho so Peter can be with his favorite auntie!

Being Single

I've begun to see the advantages of singleness....I read an article the other day that expressed it very well. Here's a quote:

You know what is really easy? Being single. Yes, there are some things you have to deal with as a single person: loneliness, independence, no children, lack of physical affection, the whole eternal salvation question . . . but these issues aside, I have mastered the art of being single. It is not hard.

In fact, it is way easier than dating. I know what I want. I know what I need to do and how I want to be dealt with on any given night. I know what TV shows I want to watch and which I want to record on my DVR. I don’t ever have to wonder about my feelings or if I need to me more sensitive to myself or if I need to spend more time showing myself how I feel about myself.

And click here  for the whole article, in case you're interested.


I was talking to a friend yesterday about this, she just got married after being single for about 2 years.  She was saying that it's an adjustment to be married again.  I think I might have a hard time adjusting to marriage too.  I feel like I was living like a single person in many ways for most of my 20 year marriage because Tom didn't want to do anything for so long that I started just doing whatever I wanted and left him home on the couch.  I would like to be married again though, there are things I miss...I've probably said this before, but the first thing that comes to mind is having someone to warm my cold toes in bed at night!  Tom used to just LOVE that...and if you believe that I've got some oceanfront property in Idaho to sell ya...

Letting go

I took Grandma to the temple again today, but she's not as well as she used to be so lately we just go to the cafeteria and have lunch.  On the way we passed the Denning's Furnitupe store.  She asked me what "furnitupe" is.  I explained that part of the R broke off leaving what looks like a P.  She said, "oh, I was worried".  I laughed and told her she could relax now that she knows what it is.  A moment later she said "this is me relaxing" I looked over and she was holding her arms up by her face. I laughed and she laughed too.  I'm gonna miss her when she's gone!  Further down the road she said, "cows sent ya?" and then she laughed again...I thought she was being a little crazy until I remembered that there's a Chik fil A billboard right about where she made that comment.  She's still pretty sharp at times, other times you can see her fading away.  Today she told me that she thinks a part fell out and pointed at her head.  I asked her what she was going to do about it and she looked a little confused so I suggested just letting it go, and she agreed.

We had lunch in the cafeteria and visited with several friends. Cindy works in the cafeteria and asked that we come in on June 9th, the day before Grandma's birthday, to have cake.  She asked the cook to put carrot cake on the schedule for that day because it's Grandma's favorite.  Grandma asked several people to pray that she lives another month so she can be there.

Sometimes letting go is hard. 

Yellowstone with the Dunphy's

Last night I dreamed that I was in a 1920's touring car, kind of like this:

With this happy couple on their anniversary:

Perfectly normal, right?  In my dream Phil was driving, Claire was in the backseat and I was in the passenger seat.  We were driving through Yellowstone and started down a hill toward a stop sign.  Phil tried to shift down but couldn't do it for some reason...apparently he didn't know how to use the brakes either (you know how dreams are).  So I grabbed the gear shifter and asked him if he had the clutch in...nope...that would be why he was having trouble shifting.  So we got the car stopped just as a fire broke out at the back of it. Claire found a fire extinguisher under the back seat and put the fire out.  Hurray!  And then I woke up. 

The funny part of this story is that I haven't even watched Modern Family in weeks!  Anyway, I do love the show...it cracks me up! 

a person of faith

Lately I've met a couple of people who, as part of conversation have told me that they are "a person of faith".  I like it. They didn't say what church, if any, they were affiliated with. They got straight to the important stuff.  I may have to try it out myself sometime.  You know how sometimes you can tell that a person REALLY wants to know if you are a member of the same church they are?  And you know it's because they really don't like people who aren't?  I kind of like to withhold the information, just to torture them a little. Is that wrong?  Next time I think I'll just tell them I'm a person of faith.  Let them put that in their pipe and smoke it!

getting my sea legs

So...I have been single now for a little over 2 months, and it feels a little weird.  I think it's kind of like getting your sea legs...you know, when you first get on the boat you feel unsteady and like you might fall down at any moment, but after you do it for awhile it feels totally normal.  Although, actually, I think it's more like getting your land legs back again.  My marriage was the time on the boat and now that I'm off I'm getting back to normal. It still feels a bit weird but I think soon I'll feel comfortable again.

So, there's a short post to let you know I'm still here!

a new beginning

I have been absent for a while, and I am now officially divorced.  The last time I posted about this it was still kind of raw and emotional.  However, on January 3rd I filed the papers and immediately felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt light and happy!  It wasn't all easy, but for the most part it has been a positive experience.  I know Tom feels quite differently about it, but we are after all on different sides of the experience.  The divorce was final on February 6th, but I didn't receive the paperwork until the 8th.  I had wondered if I would feel sad when I learned it was final, but the irrepressible grin that spread across my face answered my own question.  I am so happy to feel free!  I didn't realize just how weighted down I was.  I have been divorced for almost a week now and so far it feels good.  I miss having a man to snuggle up to when I get cold during the night, and especially when I first crawl into bed and my toes are frozen...but I'm getting used to it.  The biggest change I think is yet to come...it'll be going to single adult activities!  Yikes! 

butt muscles

I walked into the kitchen last night and my girls were ramming their hips into each others butts and laughing hysterically....what?  I have learned not to ask too many questions so I just watched, pretty soon I realized what they were doing.  They were flexing their butt muscles and then ramming into each others butts to check out how tight their butts were...yeah...touching it with their hands would have been just ridiculous....hahahaha!