Breaking up is hard to do...

Ugh...really hard to do.  In fact it sucks.  It means letting go of the future we've been planning for nearly 20 years.  It means that my family is broken.  My heart is broken too.  It feels like failure.  I always thought that people got divorced because they didn't love each other anymore...guess what? Sometimes people who get divorced still love each other, it's just time to cut your losses and go your separate ways because it will never work.  That's where we are now.  and it sucks.  just in case you forgot.  It means that sometimes I pretend that my heart isn't breaking just so that he will keep walking away, because in the long run it's better that way.  It means that sometimes I have to be cold and heartless...to protect both of us...because being nice just prolongs the agony. Sometimes I cry unexpectedly.  Like now.  I've been thinking about this post for weeks now, so I didn't expect to cry while typing it.  SUCKY.  I hate crying, it gives me a headache.  So, I will be filing the papers the first week of January.  I don't think the worst is over yet, so please be patient with me.  :)